Originally published on McSweeney’s Internet Tendency
Congratulations! You’ve been picked to be the newest member of Three’s Not Accompanied, the University of Michigan’s top a capella group! We loved your audition, and we can’t wait to “drop the beat” with you! The first rehearsal is next Thursday, but in the meantime, here’s some basic info 🙂
As you can probably guess, this next year is going to be a wild ride! As the number one a capella group on campus, Three’s Not Accompanied performs A LOT. We perform at sporting events, dance marathons, lock-ins, and even sometimes for the Governor :-O!
Of course that means that there’s going to be some WORKahead of you! We rehearse four times a week (five in the month before a show) and we expect all our members to practice on their own time outside of that. John David, our music director, will get you the “hook up” soon with all our music. FYI — don’t call him J.D. 😉 Please look it over ASAP and have it all memorized by the first rehearsal next week. Make sure to get SUPER familiar with “Wonderwall,” “Party In The USA,” and “Hash Pipe” because that’s our set for the Greek Week kickoff bash next month! And make sure you don’t sound flat on “Hash Pipe” because John David (not J.D.!!!) will get crazy pissed if you do! ;-*
This year is going to be especially intense for all us Three-sters because we are and to the College A capella Championships. Two years ago, we WON it ALL and were on the TODAY SHOW and everything. But then Kevin left and we lost our soloist for “Brick” and we came in third last year. A lot of people thought it was because we were just riding on Kevin’s coattails (he’s in a touring company of RENT now!!!) but John David knows it’s because we just didn’t work and commit hard enough. So this year, we’re going to rehearse six days a week (some two-a-days!) in the months before the competition so we can be our BEST.
During the lead-up to the championships, we all stay in the same house on campus to try to get a “group mind” together. It might sound intense, but it is super fun and one of the most things about our group! Each day we wake up, do a group affirmation chant together, and then have a simple, non-distracting breakfast of polenta and ham. John David makes us all smoothies to keep our voices in shape and then we begin warm ups in nearby field as the sun rises. After warm-ups, we mix it up with some loyalty challenges, where we all show how devoted we are to the group! These are usually things like trust falls, denunciations of Kevin’s influence on the group, and head-shaving. After that, we cool it down with a quick immersion in the river while John David recites modified Whitman couplets. The day goes on with rehearsals, pledges, and truth bleeds, but I’m getting ahead of myself! Let’s just say that those few weeks will leave a mark on you, emotionally physically 😉 !
So as you can guess, all this is a lot of fun, but it is aCOMMITMENT. We do ask that you make Three’s Not Accompanied your NUMBER ONE PRIORITY. We know there are a whole lot of opportunities on campus but we you to . If your professor asks you to write a paper, ask for an extension. If your mom wants you to come home for the weekend, tell her you can’t. If your friends ask you where you’ve been and why you look so pale and speak mostly in cryptic metered verse, tell them to ! Last year we had some with commitment (John David says it was because Kevin had a toxic attitude that poisoned the group after he left) and we had to get VERY TOUGH on a few people whoCLEARLY WEREN’T OF MEMBERSHIP. So, be on time and prepared!
Phew! What a lot of info! Please let us know if you have questions! Otherwise, we’ll see you next week! Just be sure to bring your music, a precious personal item, and clothes you don’t mind getting wet!
— Three’s Not Accompanied